WHAT WORLD ARE YOU LIVING IN?

The reality that you live in, the experience or reality that you choose to have is truly up to you. You are always choosing, whether you know it or not. Don’t choose to be Robert; choose to be the best version of you.

Everyone on the train eyed him suspiciously. He could feel their looks boring into him. The feeling was so intense that it was almost physically painful. Check out that one in the red hat, huddled in the corner, staring. As if he needed more proof that he was being tracked. He waited until just before the subway door closed and leaped between the doors, just in the nick of time. He would not be captured on this day! Robert suspected that this was about harvesting and selling his organs to the highest bidder. They were just too obvious. The evidence was everywhere. He managed again to stay one step ahead of them. 

The only catch about this scenario is that none of it is true. No one is the least bit interested in Robert or his healthy pink kidneys.  He is just another lost soul, wandering the subways, living in his own frightening virtual reality. Our first instinct is to laugh or to feel sorry for Robert. We congratulate ourselves that we have a firm grip on reality and that we see things as they are. We are rooted in truth with clear eyes and accurate vision. 

Truth be told, we are more Robert than reality. Every one of us perceives life through the filters of our limiting beliefs and the feelings that these beliefs cause. We each create a set of habits and patterns of avoidance, based on a narrative that we’ve woven to sidestep the ‘dangers’ that we perceive. No, we don’t believe we are being hunted for our organs, but we hold it to be true that we are not enough, and that the world sees and judges this, finding us wanting. We avoid exposure of our imagined flaws and faults. “I’m not lovable. I’m not smart enough. I’m a fraud and a phony. I don’t belong. I make people uncomfortable…” On and on the litany goes, this internal dialogue created by childhood trauma and reinforced by the ‘evidence’ that we scan for every day.

We see disapproval where there is none. We see judgment that doesn’t exist. We live smaller, so as not to be seen, lest they see our imaginary faults. We don’t fully participate in life and we don’t have the confidence or trust in ourselves. No, we are not Robert, but we are not ourselves. We stay within the narrow confines of our defects, like Gremlins hiding under a bridge, and we say that the world is doing this to us, that this is the truth. 

 Some will forge ahead, still believing the worst of themselves, but defiantly claiming to be a better version. They fool the world sometimes, but deep down, they still suffer from a terrible self-image. This creates distortions of personality that can look like arrogance or bluster, but we intuitively sense that something rings false. Others simply choose to hide, to settle for so much less than they could or should have. What’s to be done? 

Start with the understanding that those limiting beliefs about you are not true; they are the adjustments made as a child, to keep you out of harm’s way. They function like ‘electric fences’ that warn us of certain behaviors that could be dangerous, but it is the danger that a child perceives. It is time to update the program called “you”! Take a moment to imagine who you would like to be. Let your imagination soar.

Here’s an exercise for you:

1. Make a list of all of your self-judgments. Do it in the third person and really pour it on. 
2. Recite this list and after each sentence say “Judgment Clear”
3. In a second column, make a list of every quality you would like to have. Add to that list everything good you’ve ever heard about you. Be aspirational. Do this in the third person as well. 
4. Recite this list and say “Affirm Clear” after each sentence. 
5. Notice how you feel when you read each list. 

Which experience do you prefer? When you recite the negative, you are externalizing what you are always telling yourself. When you recite the positive you are validating the best version of yourself. If you do this exercise every day for a month, you will change your inner dialogue, that voice that guides your every choice and action. You will automatically start making different and better choices. You will feel better about yourself, and you will discover that your world will support this version of you, as effortlessly as it has supported the negative. 

The world that you live in, the experience that you choose to have is truly up to you. You are always choosing, whether you know it or not. Don’t choose to be Robert; choose to be the best version of you.

Suggested Reading

• How to Stalk Happiness
• You Don’t Know Who You Are