WHERE’S MY COMMUNITY?

Rebuilding Connections and Community: Navigating Isolation and the Need for Community

Laurie J and her husband finally got the news they’d been waiting for after two years of trying: she was pregnant! It felt strange to be celebrating when the world was just beginning to experience the lockdown imposed by the pandemic. How would this affect their journey toward becoming new parents? They were soon to find out in disturbing ways. John was not allowed to join her at her ultrasound appointment. She lived in fear that she would contract the virus during one of her pre-natal visits. The health care center was a somber place, everyone wearing masks and in a seeming state of emergency. Fear was rampant in the hallways. She couldn’t share her news in person with her parents and her friends, and she became increasingly lonely and isolated through an experience that should have been a celebration. John became more sullen and depressed, as he worried about keeping his job through these strange times. They started to feel estranged, even from each other as the pressure continued to mount. This was not the dream!

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, anxiety and depression prevalence increased by 25% globally. Deaths due to drug overdose increased sharply across the total population coinciding with the pandemic – and more than doubled among adolescents. Fifty percent of young adults (ages 18-24) reported anxiety and depression symptoms in 2023, making them more likely than older adults to experience mental health symptoms. Young adults have experienced a number of pandemic-related consequences – such as closures of universities, transitioning to remote work, and loss of income or employment – that contribute to poor mental health. 

In short, we have been severely impacted by this modern-day plague, and it would be a mistake to think that it’s all over and the danger has passed. New feelings, new habits, and new adjustments have made us less social, less secure and more uncertain than ever. We are more suspicious, more wary, and less likely to engage with others, even close friends and intimates.

Emotionally, we are scrambling to gain some semblance of stability, but we are not paying attention to the fact that we are starving ourselves for community! It turns out that we need people and all of the interactions that creates. Even before the pandemic, the biggest complaint and issue for people across the country and the world was a profound sense of isolation. That has been increased exponentially, by the circumstances of this disease.

Circumstances have conspired to break our social tool kit. What may have come naturally now feels like danger. We are as rusty as an old gate when it comes to inviting people in. When it has been drilled into us that socializing with people is dangerous, and possibly fatal, you can understand the reluctance that we feel. Nevertheless, it is time to climb down from Defcon 1 and turn off the alarm bells. 

If you’re like me, you stopped going to the gym and gradually gave yourself permission to slowly let go of most, if not all of the disciplines that kept you close to being a functioning and acceptable human being. That inner self that resents every restriction you’ve ever imposed was suddenly given carte blanche to ‘relax’ the limits. You can imagine the resistance and the resentment when it’s time to tighten up. 

Just like getting back to the gym, re-entry has to be done slowly and gradually, so as not to shock the system. Instead of trying to be immediately back up to speed, give yourself a break. Recognize that your social muscles are a bit out of shape, and take small achievable steps. Instead of jumping back into the club or a large social gathering, just have coffee with a friend. Better yet, just reach out with a phone call or two, or take a walk in the park. Just being around people will start to heal the social wounds, and gradually you will be able to build up to recreating your social circle. 

It’s important we start to emerge back into our hobbies, our goals, and our passions, and to do so with some ease. You don’t start the gym at full weight, so don’t try becoming the social being you were all at once. Set an intention: to rebuild your social support circle. Look for common goals and common interests. Picture what that would be like, and what you would experience when it is fully formed.

Get excited about it. Write down five small achievable steps; for example, call an old friend. Make a lunch date. See a show with like-minded people. If you’re starting from scratch, look for built-in communities: church, meet-up groups, community centers. The important step is to expose your body and mind to people. Community feeds us in a hundred seen and unseen ways. It raises our game, gives us accountability, and even the opportunity to look good. (let’s face it, we don’t dress up for ourselves). It is mentally stimulating, emotionally provoking, and spiritually uplifting to be among humans. Add this dimension back to your life and life will get sweeter.