‘Tis the Season to Give—and Laugh While We’re At It!

Explore how giving—done with intention—can deepen relationships, boost connection, and turn the holiday season into a powerful time of giving and personal growth and joy.

Ah, the holidays! A time for cheer, eggnog, and…self-sacrificial gift-giving? Let’s revisit O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi. In this tale of love, scarcity, and questionable practicality, Jim sells his watch to buy Della fancy hairpins, while Della chops off her luscious locks to buy Jim a watch fob. It’s a heartwarming story of mutual sacrifice—or, depending on your take, a masterclass in why communication is key in relationships. Romantic? Codependent? Or just the spirit of giving at its most absurdly extraordinary? Should we give ‘til it hurts—or maybe until it’s slightly inconvenient?

Speaking of giving, let me share a personal story. Back when I lived in Malibu, I occasionally found myself at parties where I knew no one (and where the invitation was likely padded for headcount). To navigate the awkwardness, I discovered a secret weapon: serving. Whether tidying up or arranging hors d’oeuvres, I made myself useful. It was my way of managing discomfort, and it worked like a charm. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a stranger; I was “part of the presentation.” The lesson? Giving has a way of making you belong—and making others assume you’re far more important than you probably are.

The Superpower of Giving
Giving isn’t just an act; it’s a power move. When we give, we tap into our ability to change someone else’s experience—and in doing so, we feel a surge of our own agency and humanity. Yes, yes, we’ve all heard the phrase “giving is its own reward,” but it’s also a mirror that reflects our capacity to connect, uplift, and influence. And the better we get at giving, the more clearly and powerfully we experience ourselves.

Those who master the art of giving are universally welcomed—like that one person who knows how to fix the Wi-Fi at the holiday party. So let’s break it down:

The Three Levels of Giving

1. Ordinary Giving: This is the “I love this book, so you’ll love it too” approach. Sure, it’s thoughtful, but it’s more about your preferences than theirs. Still, it’s a start.
2. Informed Giving: Now we’re getting somewhere. This is when you think about what they like. They love sunglasses? Boom—cool shades wrapped with care. This level shows you care about them, not just your own tastes.
3. Kingly Giving: Ah, the pinnacle. This is where you give precisely what they need—no more, no less. Think: pulling strings to land them that audition or connecting them with a mentor they’ve been dreaming of meeting. This kind of giving makes people feel seen, understood, and genuinely loved. It’s not just a gift; it’s a life-changing gesture.

The Secret Sauce
Giving isn’t just about spreading cheer; it’s about creating connections and building influence. It’s the ultimate life hack for making friends, strengthening bonds, and succeeding in whatever you do. So, as you navigate this season of giving, remember: the more thoughtful and precise your giving, the more powerful the impact—not just on others, but on yourself.

Now go forth, give like a king (or queen), and conquer the holiday season!

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• Resourceful States of Mind